When I was a little girl I had a hamster. Actually, I had a series of hamsters, but the one in question was the shortest lived, a few months perhaps. One fateful morning as I rose from my single bed with its powder blue bedspread, I noticed that little Snow White was not readying her nest for a long day’s sleep. As I stepped toward her plexiglass cage I realized that she was resting in an unnatural position. So I opened the plastic clips on the metal lid and reached in. She was stiff, and in place of her soft, yielding flesh was a rigid form covered in white fur. It just so happens that, as I stood there with my dead hamster in my hands, I noticed that I had left my bedroom window open. My eyes toggled between the two—open window, hardened hamster, cool breeze coming through the window, FROZEN hamster. In a matter of a minute, I went from grief stricken pet owner to pet murderer.
In the days following that event, I cried a lot, more for myself than for the life that was lost at my hands. No one asked me if I had any questions, even though this loss was so sudden, unlike my other hamsters who had both gotten visibly sick before they died. It was easy for me to take the leap as a child, and no one thought to correct any misperceptions I might be having. My tears were wiped away. I was hugged. Eventually the time for mourning passed and I was left alone with my shame, punishing myself by not asking for a new hamster to take Snow White’s place.
Flash forward to my late teens, sometime between 17 and 19. My parents are sitting around their kitchen table and I am standing in the kitchen with them. We begin talking about some random subject that for whatever reason sparks my memory of Snow White and my fateful neglect. The moment of confession arrives.
After a moment of hesitation, I related to my parents the “truth” of Snow White’s death, the whole sordid tale of how I forgot to close my window and froze my hamster to death. Imagine my surprise when they stared at me, dumbfounded. I was unloading a burden I had carried for over half my life and they didn’t say a word. Finally, my mom looked at my dad and both let a little laugh escape. “Tiff, that was rigor mortis. You know what that is. Your hamster wasn’t frozen. It got sick and died and rigor mortis set in.” And it was true. I absolutely knew what rigor mortis was. The problem was I didn’t know it when I was seven. And let’s face it, it is difficult to retroactively apply information to your past experiences, especially where emotions are concerned.
I stood in my parents’ kitchen and cried so hard, like a small child finally absolved and allowed to grieve for her loss instead of her supposed inadequacy. I cried until I could laugh at how odd it must have been to hear a teenager talk about a hamster’s death in such a way. I let go of the shame.
I think about that moment a lot, not because it was a relief from something too much to bear, but rather that moment is an uncomplicated reminder of an important process. Repressed emotions, especially those that involve shame and guilt, need to be brought back into the light in order for us to release them. They need to be understood and often recontextualized. And most importantly, they need to be felt, no matter how uncomfortable and unwelcome. Only when we’ve done this—made space for them in the present, applied new and corrected information to the circumstances in which they were formed, and felt them fully—will we be free from carrying them into our future lives, letting them affect our choices and influencing our relationships.
In my own life, I’m back in a hamster moment, back in the process. A few months ago I learned new information about my past that is having a profound impact on my understanding of who I am, how I developed and why I made certain really unhealthy choices. It has been hard. While processing this new information, I have had to recontextualize my whole life, grieve years of confusion and pain. I often want to escape from it all, shut it down, move on. But I try to remember what my truly awesome therapist told me not too long ago. “The process is important.” It is where change happens, deep and abiding change. So I release myself into it. The more I feel my feelings, the easier they are to feel. The less I resist them, the faster they flow in and out. The more willing I am to be awake to who I was and a what I felt in the past, the more alive I feel in my present, the better I can forgive, the more I can love. This has been the blessing and the reward.
Who knows when this chapter will come to a close. My emotions continue to ebb and flow, sinking me into the past and then receding to make space for my present. All I know is that if I stick with it, sooner or later I’m going to find still water again.
Monday, October 5, 2009
Thursday, September 24, 2009
Infant Circumcision and HIV Prevention—LET’S RUN THE NUMBERS
Yes, I am at it again. I want to unveil the absurdity of using circumcision as a preventive measure against the spread of HIV in the U.S.
According to the study done on Sub Saharan African men on the effectiveness of circumcision in the prevention of the spread of HIV, the rate of prevention was about 50%. This study only applied to heterosexual men. It did not cover homosexual populations or women. It should also be noted that these men did not have regular access to condoms.
In the United States in 2007, 37,041 new cases of HIV were reported. Twenty-eight (28) of them were children under the age of 13, mostly infants. So for our purposes, since we are looking at sexually transmitted infections, I will remove these cases. That leaves us with a starting number of 37,013 teen and adult cases of HIV infection. Of those cases only 535 cases were reported in persons under the age of 20. Given that the age of consent is 18, we will use this “under 20” figure to discuss the number of lives that would be saved by INFANT circumcision.
Of 535 cases, 17% would result from IV drug use for which circumcision would be of no use, and 47% would result from homosexual sex which isn’t covered by our study. So we are left with 193 cases of heterosexually transmitted HIV. Statistically speaking 107 of those cases would be female, which again is unaffected by circumcision. That leaves us with 86 male heterosexual transmissions. Of those at least 60% would be circumcised already (I’ll use 60% to be round about it.) That leaves 35 intact male cases transmitted heterosexually. Since circumcision would save about 50% of those lives, routine infant circumcision would save about 17 lives for American boys before the age of consent. Compare that to the over 100 infants, who through no choice of their own, die from circumcision every year in the U.S., not including those who have other life long complications.
So let’s use some sense here. Your child is more likely to die from infant circumcision than he is likely to be infected with HIV [through heterosexual contact] before the age of consent. It makes more sense to teach condom usage to junior high school students, a method that protects all people from sexually transmitted HIV. Because let’s face it, in this country the vast majority of men contracting and living with HIV are circumcised. So what real impact is circumcision having on transmission in the U.S.? We as a society need to let go of our prudishness and educate our kids about safe sex and IV drug usage BEFORE they are at risk. Now there’s a method of prevention that has actually been shown to work in this country.
Of course, when your son is of the age to consent, you can ask him, “do you want to keep your foreskin and use a condom OR do you want to cut off your foreskin and use a condom?” Then let him decide.
Note: It is interesting to me that in the African study no one recommended that infants be circumcised. They began doing the surgery at age 12 and beyond.
Note: A baby’s blood does not clot well (which is why your baby got a shot of Vit. K when s/he was born. Also they have nearly no immune system to fight off infection. This is the worst possible scenario under which any surgery should be performed.)
According to the study done on Sub Saharan African men on the effectiveness of circumcision in the prevention of the spread of HIV, the rate of prevention was about 50%. This study only applied to heterosexual men. It did not cover homosexual populations or women. It should also be noted that these men did not have regular access to condoms.
In the United States in 2007, 37,041 new cases of HIV were reported. Twenty-eight (28) of them were children under the age of 13, mostly infants. So for our purposes, since we are looking at sexually transmitted infections, I will remove these cases. That leaves us with a starting number of 37,013 teen and adult cases of HIV infection. Of those cases only 535 cases were reported in persons under the age of 20. Given that the age of consent is 18, we will use this “under 20” figure to discuss the number of lives that would be saved by INFANT circumcision.
Of 535 cases, 17% would result from IV drug use for which circumcision would be of no use, and 47% would result from homosexual sex which isn’t covered by our study. So we are left with 193 cases of heterosexually transmitted HIV. Statistically speaking 107 of those cases would be female, which again is unaffected by circumcision. That leaves us with 86 male heterosexual transmissions. Of those at least 60% would be circumcised already (I’ll use 60% to be round about it.) That leaves 35 intact male cases transmitted heterosexually. Since circumcision would save about 50% of those lives, routine infant circumcision would save about 17 lives for American boys before the age of consent. Compare that to the over 100 infants, who through no choice of their own, die from circumcision every year in the U.S., not including those who have other life long complications.
So let’s use some sense here. Your child is more likely to die from infant circumcision than he is likely to be infected with HIV [through heterosexual contact] before the age of consent. It makes more sense to teach condom usage to junior high school students, a method that protects all people from sexually transmitted HIV. Because let’s face it, in this country the vast majority of men contracting and living with HIV are circumcised. So what real impact is circumcision having on transmission in the U.S.? We as a society need to let go of our prudishness and educate our kids about safe sex and IV drug usage BEFORE they are at risk. Now there’s a method of prevention that has actually been shown to work in this country.
Of course, when your son is of the age to consent, you can ask him, “do you want to keep your foreskin and use a condom OR do you want to cut off your foreskin and use a condom?” Then let him decide.
Note: It is interesting to me that in the African study no one recommended that infants be circumcised. They began doing the surgery at age 12 and beyond.
Note: A baby’s blood does not clot well (which is why your baby got a shot of Vit. K when s/he was born. Also they have nearly no immune system to fight off infection. This is the worst possible scenario under which any surgery should be performed.)
Tuesday, September 15, 2009
Cancer, Cancer, Everwhere…that is, in the U.S.
Lately, I feel overwhelmed with increasing presence of cancer in the world around me. Everywhere I turn, someone I know or someone they know has been diagnosed with cancer. I am shocked to learn how many of those afflicted are my own age or not much beyond. The whole thing seems hopeless.
Despite the billions of dollars put into cancer research, we don’t seem to be getting anywhere. In fact some researchers have said that there has not been a significant advancement in cancer treatment in half a century. The ironic part of all of this is that some researchers HAVE made significant leaps in understanding who gets cancer and why. And guess what? That research has nothing to do with genetics. Why haven’t you heard about it? Because no one can make money off of it. So I am going to share with you some of what I know.
Since the early 1900’s nutrition has been implicated in the instance and treatment of cancer. In the last decade I have seen enormous quantities of evidence that support these early theories, theories that were all but squelched by the industrial food lobby some 70 years ago. One of the biggest studies ever conducted on nutrition and health, the more recent China Study, concluded that nutrition, i.e. the types of food consumed, was the greatest predictor of certain widespread cancers including prostate, breast and colon cancer as well as of diabetes and heart disease.
Over and over again we see that in countries where animal products are not consumed in large quantities--because of they are too expensive, not readily available, or not customarily eaten—the instance of cancer, heart disease and diabetes are low. In particular, the number of dairy calories consumed was directly linked to the instance widespread cancers, especially of the prostate and colon. There are multiple reasons for this. But the reason that I find compelling is that when dairy products are available humans who incorporate them into their regular diet begin to decrease their consumption of vegetables and fruits.
Vegetables and fruits of all colors provide micro-nutrients that increase the body’s ability to prevent cell mutation and fight any mutation/cancer once it’s begun. Plants produce high quantities of antioxidants to prevent free radical damage caused by prolonged exposure to the sun. This is how they promote cell stability. When you eat a leafy green, or red peppers, blueberries, apples, etc. you are consuming those antioxidants for your body’s own use. (Our own bodies do this work to a small degree when they metabolize the antioxidant vitamin D from cholesterol by means of sun exposure.) Since the body can not produce antioxidants in sufficient quantities by itself, we have to consume them. It stands to reason then that the fewer vegetables we consume the less protection we have against cancer.
The China Study in particular concluded that those persons whose caloric intake from dairy exceeded 10 percent were at greatest risk for cancer. In plain terms, a 12 ounce serving of 2% milk, 1/3 cup of cheddar cheese, 3 Kraft singles, OR 3 ounces of mozzarella cheese equals 10% of the caloric intake of most individuals. Those amounts are half for toddlers and small children, who by most reckonings are given the highest percentage of calories from dairy of any of us. Recent findings from a long term study found childhood intake of dairy the most significant predictor for prostate cancer in men. This is alarming to say the least.
As a mom with two kids allergic to cow’s milk, I can personally tell you that life without dairy is possible. In fact there are several large populations around the world that consume little to no dairy at all. Leafy greens, romaine lettuce, sesame seeds, broccoli and even spices and herbs like cinnamon and peppermint are excellent sources of calcium. Salmon, cod and shrimp are excellent sources of vitamin D. And guess what? You can stand outside in the sun for 20 minutes and make it yourself! If you need extra for health reasons, a single drop of some fish oil and lanolin preparations is enough to provide 1000-2000 IU of vitamin D at the unbelievably low cost of $20 a year. Small quantities of meat and fish provide ample amounts of vitamin A, and all those fruits and veggies that you consume contain pro-vitamin A which is converted into active vitamin A in your body. No cow’s required.
There are other factors as well--nutritional, environmental and emotional--that contribute to the high rates of cancer in the U.S.. The sheer volume of highly processed, low-nutrient wheat products being consumed is implicated in some types of cancer. Add to those dietary factors high stress levels, environmental pollutants, and pesticides and you have a recipe for nearly every type of cancer that exists. Still I keep reading that even these factors can be mitigated if the diet is sufficiently supplying the body with antioxidants and other vital nutrients from plant sources. In fact, some of the best cancer centers in the country are integrating a “cancer diet” into their treatment plans. The cancer diet is essentially a vegan diet, i.e. a diet that does not contain any animal products at all.
Evidence from studies of native diets show that eating apple seeds and apricot kernels inhibits tumor growth, because they contain a specialized form of cyanide. Green tea, red rooibos and white teas, blueberries, acai, aronia, elderberries, black currant, roasted tomatoes, pomegrante, winter squashes and so many more are foods found in traditional diets that possess incredible cancer fighting properties. But so many of these wonder foods are lost on us because we are busy stuffing our faces with low-cost, government subsidized dairy and wheat products that have been stripped of even the little nutritional value they possess by industrial processing. These ready-made foods might be quick, easy and cheap, but they come at a great cost to your individual health and the overall health of our nation.
So every time I learn of one more person with cancer, I try to assess what I am putting into my body and the bodies of my children. Am I eating enough vegetables and fruits? Am I limiting and varying my animal proteins? Am I eating my grains whole? Am I replacing some of my meat with other sources of plant proteins like beans, nuts, seeds and greens? Is my food colorful? This is no guarantee, I know. Still I am aware that eating well is the best thing I can do to prevent my getting cancer. And when I teach my children how to feed themselves well I am providing them with a lifetime of defense.
Despite the billions of dollars put into cancer research, we don’t seem to be getting anywhere. In fact some researchers have said that there has not been a significant advancement in cancer treatment in half a century. The ironic part of all of this is that some researchers HAVE made significant leaps in understanding who gets cancer and why. And guess what? That research has nothing to do with genetics. Why haven’t you heard about it? Because no one can make money off of it. So I am going to share with you some of what I know.
Since the early 1900’s nutrition has been implicated in the instance and treatment of cancer. In the last decade I have seen enormous quantities of evidence that support these early theories, theories that were all but squelched by the industrial food lobby some 70 years ago. One of the biggest studies ever conducted on nutrition and health, the more recent China Study, concluded that nutrition, i.e. the types of food consumed, was the greatest predictor of certain widespread cancers including prostate, breast and colon cancer as well as of diabetes and heart disease.
Over and over again we see that in countries where animal products are not consumed in large quantities--because of they are too expensive, not readily available, or not customarily eaten—the instance of cancer, heart disease and diabetes are low. In particular, the number of dairy calories consumed was directly linked to the instance widespread cancers, especially of the prostate and colon. There are multiple reasons for this. But the reason that I find compelling is that when dairy products are available humans who incorporate them into their regular diet begin to decrease their consumption of vegetables and fruits.
Vegetables and fruits of all colors provide micro-nutrients that increase the body’s ability to prevent cell mutation and fight any mutation/cancer once it’s begun. Plants produce high quantities of antioxidants to prevent free radical damage caused by prolonged exposure to the sun. This is how they promote cell stability. When you eat a leafy green, or red peppers, blueberries, apples, etc. you are consuming those antioxidants for your body’s own use. (Our own bodies do this work to a small degree when they metabolize the antioxidant vitamin D from cholesterol by means of sun exposure.) Since the body can not produce antioxidants in sufficient quantities by itself, we have to consume them. It stands to reason then that the fewer vegetables we consume the less protection we have against cancer.
The China Study in particular concluded that those persons whose caloric intake from dairy exceeded 10 percent were at greatest risk for cancer. In plain terms, a 12 ounce serving of 2% milk, 1/3 cup of cheddar cheese, 3 Kraft singles, OR 3 ounces of mozzarella cheese equals 10% of the caloric intake of most individuals. Those amounts are half for toddlers and small children, who by most reckonings are given the highest percentage of calories from dairy of any of us. Recent findings from a long term study found childhood intake of dairy the most significant predictor for prostate cancer in men. This is alarming to say the least.
As a mom with two kids allergic to cow’s milk, I can personally tell you that life without dairy is possible. In fact there are several large populations around the world that consume little to no dairy at all. Leafy greens, romaine lettuce, sesame seeds, broccoli and even spices and herbs like cinnamon and peppermint are excellent sources of calcium. Salmon, cod and shrimp are excellent sources of vitamin D. And guess what? You can stand outside in the sun for 20 minutes and make it yourself! If you need extra for health reasons, a single drop of some fish oil and lanolin preparations is enough to provide 1000-2000 IU of vitamin D at the unbelievably low cost of $20 a year. Small quantities of meat and fish provide ample amounts of vitamin A, and all those fruits and veggies that you consume contain pro-vitamin A which is converted into active vitamin A in your body. No cow’s required.
There are other factors as well--nutritional, environmental and emotional--that contribute to the high rates of cancer in the U.S.. The sheer volume of highly processed, low-nutrient wheat products being consumed is implicated in some types of cancer. Add to those dietary factors high stress levels, environmental pollutants, and pesticides and you have a recipe for nearly every type of cancer that exists. Still I keep reading that even these factors can be mitigated if the diet is sufficiently supplying the body with antioxidants and other vital nutrients from plant sources. In fact, some of the best cancer centers in the country are integrating a “cancer diet” into their treatment plans. The cancer diet is essentially a vegan diet, i.e. a diet that does not contain any animal products at all.
Evidence from studies of native diets show that eating apple seeds and apricot kernels inhibits tumor growth, because they contain a specialized form of cyanide. Green tea, red rooibos and white teas, blueberries, acai, aronia, elderberries, black currant, roasted tomatoes, pomegrante, winter squashes and so many more are foods found in traditional diets that possess incredible cancer fighting properties. But so many of these wonder foods are lost on us because we are busy stuffing our faces with low-cost, government subsidized dairy and wheat products that have been stripped of even the little nutritional value they possess by industrial processing. These ready-made foods might be quick, easy and cheap, but they come at a great cost to your individual health and the overall health of our nation.
So every time I learn of one more person with cancer, I try to assess what I am putting into my body and the bodies of my children. Am I eating enough vegetables and fruits? Am I limiting and varying my animal proteins? Am I eating my grains whole? Am I replacing some of my meat with other sources of plant proteins like beans, nuts, seeds and greens? Is my food colorful? This is no guarantee, I know. Still I am aware that eating well is the best thing I can do to prevent my getting cancer. And when I teach my children how to feed themselves well I am providing them with a lifetime of defense.
Monday, July 6, 2009
My Antonia by Willa Cather
A month or so ago, in an attempt to build topics for meaningful conversation, my husband and I decided to choose a classic novel and read it at the same time. After pouring over a long list and weeding out the ones we had already read, we managed to settle rather randomly on My Antonia by Willa Cather. Cather was born in the late 1800’s and published many books during her lifetime, including One of Ours, for which she won the Pulitzer Prize in 1922. She is famous for her depictions of pioneer and plains life, but her work also includes a biography of Mary Baker Eddy.
From the first page of the first chapter, it was abundantly clear that Willa Cather was not your typical writer and My Antonia was not going to be a book easily forgotten. Now you may not care much about small towns or the lives of the pioneers who broke the ground that became the breadbasket of America, but you will care about these pioneers and this small town. You won’t care because Cather reveals some hidden truth about their daily lives that will shock and amaze, but rather it is because Cather’s writing is so sublime, so masterful, that it transcends the subject matter altogether. Through her eyes, I felt at times that I was seeing the insides of life, the quiet essence that lives in the dirt and the sunshine. Her ability to capture a feeling in a short paragraph what most of us can’t seem to explain with all the words in the world is simply magic. The little things that make life in a place knowable, memorable when you’ve left them behind, are woven so artfully into the story. How easily I began to feel at home in a place I have never been, to feel the intimate detail and the raw symbolism as though she pulled them from the shadows of my own memory.
I am by no means an expert on American literature, but I am a reader just the same. And this book may very well be the best writing I have ever read. The plot is simple. Nothing really happens. Still there are characters and an admittance to sensations of the body and the soul that fill this novel so completely that any complication in the plot would be excess.
I am so grateful to have stumbled on what so many have recognized before me. I am eager for the day when I can share it with my daughters, who, unless school curriculums have changed, will wonder that there were any great women writers in America at all. How we are handed Poe and Hawthorne before we are handed Cather is a mystery to me. My Antonia is a beautifully crafted coming of age story that is bound to be enjoyed by both boys and girls alike. It is a gorgeous history lesson, and a thrilling example of what writing can be. Please, enjoy!
A passage: “When I closed my eyes I could hear them all laughing—the Danish laundry girls and the three Bohemian Marys. Lena had brought them all back to me. It came over me, as it had never done before, the relation between girls like those and the poetry of Virgil. If there were no girls like them in the world, there would be no poetry. I understood that clearly, for the first time. This revelation seemed to me inestimably precious. I clung to it as if it might suddenly vanish.”
From the first page of the first chapter, it was abundantly clear that Willa Cather was not your typical writer and My Antonia was not going to be a book easily forgotten. Now you may not care much about small towns or the lives of the pioneers who broke the ground that became the breadbasket of America, but you will care about these pioneers and this small town. You won’t care because Cather reveals some hidden truth about their daily lives that will shock and amaze, but rather it is because Cather’s writing is so sublime, so masterful, that it transcends the subject matter altogether. Through her eyes, I felt at times that I was seeing the insides of life, the quiet essence that lives in the dirt and the sunshine. Her ability to capture a feeling in a short paragraph what most of us can’t seem to explain with all the words in the world is simply magic. The little things that make life in a place knowable, memorable when you’ve left them behind, are woven so artfully into the story. How easily I began to feel at home in a place I have never been, to feel the intimate detail and the raw symbolism as though she pulled them from the shadows of my own memory.
I am by no means an expert on American literature, but I am a reader just the same. And this book may very well be the best writing I have ever read. The plot is simple. Nothing really happens. Still there are characters and an admittance to sensations of the body and the soul that fill this novel so completely that any complication in the plot would be excess.
I am so grateful to have stumbled on what so many have recognized before me. I am eager for the day when I can share it with my daughters, who, unless school curriculums have changed, will wonder that there were any great women writers in America at all. How we are handed Poe and Hawthorne before we are handed Cather is a mystery to me. My Antonia is a beautifully crafted coming of age story that is bound to be enjoyed by both boys and girls alike. It is a gorgeous history lesson, and a thrilling example of what writing can be. Please, enjoy!
A passage: “When I closed my eyes I could hear them all laughing—the Danish laundry girls and the three Bohemian Marys. Lena had brought them all back to me. It came over me, as it had never done before, the relation between girls like those and the poetry of Virgil. If there were no girls like them in the world, there would be no poetry. I understood that clearly, for the first time. This revelation seemed to me inestimably precious. I clung to it as if it might suddenly vanish.”
Wednesday, June 24, 2009
Routine Circumcision for Disease Prevention?
I have just learned startling information. The Centers for Disease Control (CDC) is considering recommending routine circumcision for infant boys in the United States. That recommendation, should it be made, would come from a review of studies done on African males and the spread of sexually transmitted infection (STI) such as HIV/AIDS. The study concluded that circumcised men had a lower transmission rate of STIs--not “no transmission”, just a lower transmission.
Should the CDC make such a horrific recommendation, I believe I would lose nearly all confidence in them as scientists. For years now we have been insisting to our young people that the only way to avoid STIs is to use a condom or to abstain from sex. These are good, sound pieces of advice. We have historically been a country of circumcised men and we have learned through the 80’s that the spread of HIV was not deterred by circumcision. To recommend circumcision as a method of preventing the spread of sexually transmitted infections would undermine more than two decades of scientifically sound advice to our youth and adults, by suggesting that a circumcised penis is protected from such diseases. Even if the circumcised penis is 50% more protected than an intact penis, you could still contract a deadly disease. As my husband says, to rely on circumcision for protection against STIs is like putting five bullets instead of six in the gun before you put it to you head. Wearing a condom means that all penises are equally protected from disease. American men are acculturated to condoms and have access to them. They remain the best form of protection outside of abstinence.
In addition to this ridiculous notion that circumcision is protection from STIs, it is important to remember that circumcision is a surgery NOT WITHOUT RISK. Infection, surgical error, the well-proven interruption of mother-infant bonding, significant pain and even death are all potential consequences of circumcision. Imagine yourself having this decision made for you as an infant. Imagine something going wrong during the procedure or as a result of a subsequent infection. How would you feel if this destroyed your ability to enjoy your sexuality as an adult, and made your chances of finding a life partner significantly more complicated? How would you feel if your healthy infant died from a completely unnecessary surgical procedure? This happens.
Clearly I am opposed to circumcision. I believe it is genital mutilation. If someone suggested that I cut out my own or my daughter’s clitoris for any reason, I would be appalled as would most of you. And yet we persist on cutting off the most sensitive and pleasure giving part of a man’s body. I understand that it is difficult to change cultural norms and to right the host of misinformation out there. Most of the people I know who have chosen circumcision for their sons have done so at the advice of a parent, a doctor, or because they wanted their son to look like their father. But the research simply does not support a medical need, and people can change. There are religious reasons too. But I find that a difficult justification to swallow in the US since most Americans identify as Christians. The New Testament references circumcision at least five times saying that we should leave the body as God made it.
All of our body parts have a reason for being there. Even that crazy appendix is now understood to be part of the immune system. The twelve square inches of highly erogenous tissue that makes up the foreskin of an adult penis has a purpose too—both for pleasure and procreation. Where I live, in the Northwest, just about 70% of baby boys are being left intact as attitudes and awareness change. And just like in other western nations where circumcision is relegated to the Jewish and Muslim populations, the parents of these babies are able to keep them clean and to teach them morals. What’s done is done, but what hasn’t been done need not be. Circumcision is painful, potentially life-changing, and above all 100% unnecessary.
P.S. Do you want to know where all those infant foreskins go when they cut them off in the hospital? They are sold to bandage companies for research.
Should the CDC make such a horrific recommendation, I believe I would lose nearly all confidence in them as scientists. For years now we have been insisting to our young people that the only way to avoid STIs is to use a condom or to abstain from sex. These are good, sound pieces of advice. We have historically been a country of circumcised men and we have learned through the 80’s that the spread of HIV was not deterred by circumcision. To recommend circumcision as a method of preventing the spread of sexually transmitted infections would undermine more than two decades of scientifically sound advice to our youth and adults, by suggesting that a circumcised penis is protected from such diseases. Even if the circumcised penis is 50% more protected than an intact penis, you could still contract a deadly disease. As my husband says, to rely on circumcision for protection against STIs is like putting five bullets instead of six in the gun before you put it to you head. Wearing a condom means that all penises are equally protected from disease. American men are acculturated to condoms and have access to them. They remain the best form of protection outside of abstinence.
In addition to this ridiculous notion that circumcision is protection from STIs, it is important to remember that circumcision is a surgery NOT WITHOUT RISK. Infection, surgical error, the well-proven interruption of mother-infant bonding, significant pain and even death are all potential consequences of circumcision. Imagine yourself having this decision made for you as an infant. Imagine something going wrong during the procedure or as a result of a subsequent infection. How would you feel if this destroyed your ability to enjoy your sexuality as an adult, and made your chances of finding a life partner significantly more complicated? How would you feel if your healthy infant died from a completely unnecessary surgical procedure? This happens.
Clearly I am opposed to circumcision. I believe it is genital mutilation. If someone suggested that I cut out my own or my daughter’s clitoris for any reason, I would be appalled as would most of you. And yet we persist on cutting off the most sensitive and pleasure giving part of a man’s body. I understand that it is difficult to change cultural norms and to right the host of misinformation out there. Most of the people I know who have chosen circumcision for their sons have done so at the advice of a parent, a doctor, or because they wanted their son to look like their father. But the research simply does not support a medical need, and people can change. There are religious reasons too. But I find that a difficult justification to swallow in the US since most Americans identify as Christians. The New Testament references circumcision at least five times saying that we should leave the body as God made it.
All of our body parts have a reason for being there. Even that crazy appendix is now understood to be part of the immune system. The twelve square inches of highly erogenous tissue that makes up the foreskin of an adult penis has a purpose too—both for pleasure and procreation. Where I live, in the Northwest, just about 70% of baby boys are being left intact as attitudes and awareness change. And just like in other western nations where circumcision is relegated to the Jewish and Muslim populations, the parents of these babies are able to keep them clean and to teach them morals. What’s done is done, but what hasn’t been done need not be. Circumcision is painful, potentially life-changing, and above all 100% unnecessary.
P.S. Do you want to know where all those infant foreskins go when they cut them off in the hospital? They are sold to bandage companies for research.
Saturday, June 6, 2009
Life In the Lull
As most of you know, we have our house on the market as we are hoping to move to Pennsylvania this summer. When we decided this winter that the time had come, so many things fell into place. So many signs confirmed our decision. Steve was able to switch into another division of his company that would allow him to live anywhere near a major airport. The change had the added bonus of providing him with more challenges in the workplace. Then our much beloved minister decided to retire. Though her leaving the church did not push us away from our church community, it did provide us with a release. To leave the church with her in the pulpit would have been a difficult task indeed.
Around the same time that our minister announced her retirement, we learned that the State of Oregon was planning to cut millions from school budgets around the state. Our district alone is looking at a 10 million dollar shortfall in the coming year. Though we love our elementary school, the teachers and the principal there, we knew that if things didn’t turn around we wouldn’t be able to keep our kids in public education here. When our oldest started kindergarten, art had already been eliminated. Now the district has music and physical education on the chopping block and are increasing class sizes. The attitude toward education in Oregon is an unfortunate one. The legislature and the populace in general are unwilling to see the value of an educated constituency to the prosperity of the community and to make adjustments to taxation models to create stable funding for schools. So what is there to do when you have two creative and artistic children for whom you want a well-rounded education and you live in Oregon City?
In addition to the bigger issues of education, as a couple we recognized that we weren’t getting enough time together to keep our marriage strong and interesting. The family had been growing but the relationship had not. This was in large part due to a lack of help with the children. As an individual I began to feel trapped in my house by Steve’s job, which requires random travel. The unpredictable nature of his absences made it difficult to participate in any regular activity, including pursuing meaningful work. With increasing amounts of time available, I longed to spread my wings again and find something in the world just for myself. But kids get sick, and in Oregon they get lots of days off of school. I hesitated to make any commitments that I would undoubtedly have to break.
So we did it. We threw ourselves into the river. The water swirled, ran into a brief series of rapids, and then came to a full stop as it fanned wide and deep. If I’m not paying very close attention I have trouble determining the direction to which the river runs. Fate is funny that way. Hurry up to slow down. Frenzy to full stop. My grandmother said to me recently, “God’s watching out for the people who are going to buy your house too.” Sometimes I forget that—that I’m not the only one God cares about. So we wait, wait for the river to show signs of movement, begin to feel the pull, see the clear and narrow path ahead.
I am trying, with increasing difficultly, to see the bright side of this lull, this apparent pond in the middle of a wild river. The kids were able to finish out the school year with their friends. My house is clean and tidy all of the time. I’ll get more time to camp in the gorgeous weather and to see friends. And that’s where I get caught up. The prolonged good-bye is excruciating. I know that every time I look about me could be the last time I am seeing some part of my home of 13 years. It’s like ripping off a band-aid in slow motion. The bright side, the bright side…
I haven’t wanted to spend much time writing or looking into the future these days; thus the lack of posts. Instead I am feeling very “in the moment.” Mostly melancholy, but so very alive. Keenly aware of the budding of each branch, the emergence of each leaf, each berry in my yard of gardens, in my neighborhood of endless trees; the smells in the air, the light at the end of the long days, the changing shape of the countless types of clouds that pass overhead. Present to all that this place and these people mean to me. And that is where I want to be right now. Here, with my sorrow, and with my gratitude, memorizing every detail for those days ahead when I feel displaced—loved, but not yet at home.
So forgive my silence. I’m sure my need “to get it all out, what’s in my head” will prevail in the not so distant future. Know that I think of you all, in both of my homes, present and future, with overwhelming appreciation for your love and support and for the meaning that you bring to my life.
Around the same time that our minister announced her retirement, we learned that the State of Oregon was planning to cut millions from school budgets around the state. Our district alone is looking at a 10 million dollar shortfall in the coming year. Though we love our elementary school, the teachers and the principal there, we knew that if things didn’t turn around we wouldn’t be able to keep our kids in public education here. When our oldest started kindergarten, art had already been eliminated. Now the district has music and physical education on the chopping block and are increasing class sizes. The attitude toward education in Oregon is an unfortunate one. The legislature and the populace in general are unwilling to see the value of an educated constituency to the prosperity of the community and to make adjustments to taxation models to create stable funding for schools. So what is there to do when you have two creative and artistic children for whom you want a well-rounded education and you live in Oregon City?
In addition to the bigger issues of education, as a couple we recognized that we weren’t getting enough time together to keep our marriage strong and interesting. The family had been growing but the relationship had not. This was in large part due to a lack of help with the children. As an individual I began to feel trapped in my house by Steve’s job, which requires random travel. The unpredictable nature of his absences made it difficult to participate in any regular activity, including pursuing meaningful work. With increasing amounts of time available, I longed to spread my wings again and find something in the world just for myself. But kids get sick, and in Oregon they get lots of days off of school. I hesitated to make any commitments that I would undoubtedly have to break.
So we did it. We threw ourselves into the river. The water swirled, ran into a brief series of rapids, and then came to a full stop as it fanned wide and deep. If I’m not paying very close attention I have trouble determining the direction to which the river runs. Fate is funny that way. Hurry up to slow down. Frenzy to full stop. My grandmother said to me recently, “God’s watching out for the people who are going to buy your house too.” Sometimes I forget that—that I’m not the only one God cares about. So we wait, wait for the river to show signs of movement, begin to feel the pull, see the clear and narrow path ahead.
I am trying, with increasing difficultly, to see the bright side of this lull, this apparent pond in the middle of a wild river. The kids were able to finish out the school year with their friends. My house is clean and tidy all of the time. I’ll get more time to camp in the gorgeous weather and to see friends. And that’s where I get caught up. The prolonged good-bye is excruciating. I know that every time I look about me could be the last time I am seeing some part of my home of 13 years. It’s like ripping off a band-aid in slow motion. The bright side, the bright side…
I haven’t wanted to spend much time writing or looking into the future these days; thus the lack of posts. Instead I am feeling very “in the moment.” Mostly melancholy, but so very alive. Keenly aware of the budding of each branch, the emergence of each leaf, each berry in my yard of gardens, in my neighborhood of endless trees; the smells in the air, the light at the end of the long days, the changing shape of the countless types of clouds that pass overhead. Present to all that this place and these people mean to me. And that is where I want to be right now. Here, with my sorrow, and with my gratitude, memorizing every detail for those days ahead when I feel displaced—loved, but not yet at home.
So forgive my silence. I’m sure my need “to get it all out, what’s in my head” will prevail in the not so distant future. Know that I think of you all, in both of my homes, present and future, with overwhelming appreciation for your love and support and for the meaning that you bring to my life.
Tuesday, February 3, 2009
Life in January
The month of January is sort of cursed I think. Every year we look forward to the start of a new year with excitement and dread. This is a new beginning, a fresh start. And yet somehow it has also become synonymous with failure. What resolution, grudgingly made, is not also an invitation to failure when made on January 1st? We joke about it, we quip about the cheesecake that just arrived on the table before us or the gym membership that has gone unused. Still there are greater challenges we have presented to ourselves in private. And we do all of this knowing full well that this is the least motivating time of the year. January is the month when humans do and ought to resemble bears in their behavior. We naturally sleep more, eat more, and care less. Our energy is down, our interest in starting something, anything, new has left on the same train as daylight. Why do we do it to ourselves?
Well January mostly sucked for me this year. (Can't you tell from the intro?) For starters, my marriage was the pits. I pretty much would have given my man to a travelling circus or a group of hairy Ishmaelites. I was just about to change the locks on the house when I had a moment of realization in the final week of hell month. I love that guy! He makes me madder than I have ever been, but I love him more deeply than I have ever loved. AND I feel more loved by him than I have by any other person in my life. He accepts me for who I am and that is no easy job. So I was presented one of my greatest new year's challenges. Try to decide where the limit of love is in a marriage. How much are you willing to endure to stay with the one you love, the one who loves you back? When is the struggle too much to outweigh the joy that that love brings into your life?
Then something else happened. Just as I was beginning to crack, the pressure began to ease. My DH took several steps to meet me in the middle. Not long after, we had a moment of spontaneous, raucous laughter, which spilled into talking to each other like human beings, which flowed into hope for change and a richer understanding of each other's experience. A new beginning was born. But as any mother knows, birth is work and the kind of work that doesn't end once the baby is out either. So here's to the sacred work of matrimony, that it might yield sweet fruit. Fingers crossed.
I also was not granted the estrogen treatment that I was longing for. This made me a little snarky and certainly frustrated by the nonsense of the medical community. I have--no lie--been offered an abdominal hysterectomy, and vaginal hysterectomy, an endometrial ablation, and hormones that I know full well will cause me to be significantly depressed. But no one will give me the bl*&%ing bioidentical estriol that I have researched out the wazoo and have requested. What the h*&%? I am taking your thoughts here. Can anyone give me something more absurd than that to chew on?
And of course, I was not the optimal parent to my kids either. But I suppose that's no big surprise considering...
The one shining star in this otherwise dismal month was that Steve and I decided to learn how to cook Chinese and Vietnamese food. This has been incredibly fun. We poured over cookbooks and recipes found on the internet. We sought out new ingredients at local asian markets and enjoyed almost all the fruits of our labors--all the fruits but jackfruit, that is. Our friend Alex introduced us to a super yummy noodle dish from Korea called Japchae and she loaned us her cookbook on kimchee. Now we want to eat asian cuisine everyday of the week. We're not sure if we are going to try Thai or Indian next. Hopefully there will be a lot of firsts in this department throughout the year. And if you come to visit we'll treat you to some of our tasty new discoveries.
I guess that's all I have to say for now. Hope your new year is off to good start. If not, you could just try again at the pagan new year, March 21st. That was my plan B.
Well January mostly sucked for me this year. (Can't you tell from the intro?) For starters, my marriage was the pits. I pretty much would have given my man to a travelling circus or a group of hairy Ishmaelites. I was just about to change the locks on the house when I had a moment of realization in the final week of hell month. I love that guy! He makes me madder than I have ever been, but I love him more deeply than I have ever loved. AND I feel more loved by him than I have by any other person in my life. He accepts me for who I am and that is no easy job. So I was presented one of my greatest new year's challenges. Try to decide where the limit of love is in a marriage. How much are you willing to endure to stay with the one you love, the one who loves you back? When is the struggle too much to outweigh the joy that that love brings into your life?
Then something else happened. Just as I was beginning to crack, the pressure began to ease. My DH took several steps to meet me in the middle. Not long after, we had a moment of spontaneous, raucous laughter, which spilled into talking to each other like human beings, which flowed into hope for change and a richer understanding of each other's experience. A new beginning was born. But as any mother knows, birth is work and the kind of work that doesn't end once the baby is out either. So here's to the sacred work of matrimony, that it might yield sweet fruit. Fingers crossed.
I also was not granted the estrogen treatment that I was longing for. This made me a little snarky and certainly frustrated by the nonsense of the medical community. I have--no lie--been offered an abdominal hysterectomy, and vaginal hysterectomy, an endometrial ablation, and hormones that I know full well will cause me to be significantly depressed. But no one will give me the bl*&%ing bioidentical estriol that I have researched out the wazoo and have requested. What the h*&%? I am taking your thoughts here. Can anyone give me something more absurd than that to chew on?
And of course, I was not the optimal parent to my kids either. But I suppose that's no big surprise considering...
The one shining star in this otherwise dismal month was that Steve and I decided to learn how to cook Chinese and Vietnamese food. This has been incredibly fun. We poured over cookbooks and recipes found on the internet. We sought out new ingredients at local asian markets and enjoyed almost all the fruits of our labors--all the fruits but jackfruit, that is. Our friend Alex introduced us to a super yummy noodle dish from Korea called Japchae and she loaned us her cookbook on kimchee. Now we want to eat asian cuisine everyday of the week. We're not sure if we are going to try Thai or Indian next. Hopefully there will be a lot of firsts in this department throughout the year. And if you come to visit we'll treat you to some of our tasty new discoveries.
I guess that's all I have to say for now. Hope your new year is off to good start. If not, you could just try again at the pagan new year, March 21st. That was my plan B.
Wednesday, January 7, 2009
The End of Winter Break & Must See Movies
Well the kids headed back to school today after 24 days of winter break—5 longer than planned thanks to a big snowstorm. I really enjoyed their being home once I got used to the change in routine. I found it difficult to give up my free time, but eventually I found ways to carve out a little of patch of it for myself when I really needed it. We played a lot of games, sang, danced around the house, watched movies, and read books. The kids played in the snow and stayed up too late night after night. We ate too many cookies, cake and plates of junk food, but it was fun and noisy and carefree, not to mention yummy. Now the house is quiet except for the muted drips of rain from nearby trees and the gutters overhead. The distant hum of the highway, which we never hear in this house when the kids are home, is in perfect harmony with the wind rustling in the crowns of the evergreens in our gully. It took a few days, but our Christmas prayers for peace on earth seem to have settled into my part of the world about an hour ago.
Now that I have a quiet moment to myself, I thought that I might share with you some of the media jewels that I discovered during the winter break. I have four movie recommendations (beyond Rocky Balboa listed below) and one book recommendation. Normally I just put my “must see movies” in their own section at the bottom of my page, but there are four of them so I thought they warranted their own post. The book post will follow.
1. WALL-E—Now I know that most Americans saw this movie ages ago, but we missed it in theaters and had to wait for the DVD. Still, if you haven’t seen it, do. Men and women, children or no, will enjoy this Disney Pixar picture. Without a doubt, a social commentary, WALL-E has the power to make you think. Unlike most Disney pictures where someone’s mom or dad or both have to die to create an emotional edge to the character’s adversity, WALL-E steps out of the Disney formulaic and allows us to view our planet’s predicament through the giant eyes of an unbiased robot. You will love this heartwarming tale of courage, love and hope and its invitation to social consciousness.
2. Snow Cake—This film stars one of my favorite actors of all time Alan Rickman, as well as Sigourney Weaver, and Carrie-anne Moss. Alan Rickman? Who is Alan Rickman? I hear you saying it. The reason you don’t know who he is is because he is never the same character twice. He’s a genius and no less so in this masterpiece. (By the way, you will know him as Professor Snape, The Sheriff of Nottingham in Robin Hood, the German bad guy in Die Hard, the Captain in Sense and Sensibility, Emma Thompson’s cheating husband in Love Actually and on and on.) This story takes you into the lives of a sullen traveler, the young female hitchhiker he picks up, her mother and their neighbor. In a turn of events their lives are all changed. Sigourney Weaver gives an Oscar worthy performance as the mother. I promise you, you have never seen a film like this. That’s all I’ll say because I don’t want to ruin it for you.
3. The Kite Runner—Based on the best selling novel of the same name, the Kite Runner has an almost saga-like quality, where one act sets into motion an unstoppable stream of events. Eventually the main character must perform an act of bravery to right the wrongs he has caused others. Marc Forster brilliantly brings to life the story of Amir, a young Afghan boy whose family is forced to leave their home during the Russian invasion. When he returns, he finds the Taliban in power and his home forever altered by war and poverty. In this film of courage and redemption, not a hair is out of place. The scenery is incredible. The acting is astounding. The sound is transporting. The directing and editing are perfection. I should warn you that there are some horrific acts of brutality in this movie. Thankfully the director gives you ample warning to close your eyes. If you can handle this and you don’t mind that more than half the movie is subtitled, then there should be nothing to stop you from seeing this incredible work of art.
4. Marley & Me—Okay Moms. Have you ever thrown your hands in the air trying to describe what your life feels like after you’ve had kids? Well this movie lets Jennifer Aniston say it for you, and quite well I might add. My husband says that it should be required viewing for any couple getting ready to start a family. This true-to-life dramedy chronicles the lives of a pair of newlywed writers and their dog Marley. Unlike most “dog movies” this story is about a family, the dog being neither central nor supporting. You will laugh hysterically and sob like a baby, so pack your tissues and drag along someone to share meaningful glances with. Guaranteed to take you parents down memory lane whether you're a dog person or not. (Also stars Owen Wilson.)
Happy Viewing!
Now that I have a quiet moment to myself, I thought that I might share with you some of the media jewels that I discovered during the winter break. I have four movie recommendations (beyond Rocky Balboa listed below) and one book recommendation. Normally I just put my “must see movies” in their own section at the bottom of my page, but there are four of them so I thought they warranted their own post. The book post will follow.
1. WALL-E—Now I know that most Americans saw this movie ages ago, but we missed it in theaters and had to wait for the DVD. Still, if you haven’t seen it, do. Men and women, children or no, will enjoy this Disney Pixar picture. Without a doubt, a social commentary, WALL-E has the power to make you think. Unlike most Disney pictures where someone’s mom or dad or both have to die to create an emotional edge to the character’s adversity, WALL-E steps out of the Disney formulaic and allows us to view our planet’s predicament through the giant eyes of an unbiased robot. You will love this heartwarming tale of courage, love and hope and its invitation to social consciousness.
2. Snow Cake—This film stars one of my favorite actors of all time Alan Rickman, as well as Sigourney Weaver, and Carrie-anne Moss. Alan Rickman? Who is Alan Rickman? I hear you saying it. The reason you don’t know who he is is because he is never the same character twice. He’s a genius and no less so in this masterpiece. (By the way, you will know him as Professor Snape, The Sheriff of Nottingham in Robin Hood, the German bad guy in Die Hard, the Captain in Sense and Sensibility, Emma Thompson’s cheating husband in Love Actually and on and on.) This story takes you into the lives of a sullen traveler, the young female hitchhiker he picks up, her mother and their neighbor. In a turn of events their lives are all changed. Sigourney Weaver gives an Oscar worthy performance as the mother. I promise you, you have never seen a film like this. That’s all I’ll say because I don’t want to ruin it for you.
3. The Kite Runner—Based on the best selling novel of the same name, the Kite Runner has an almost saga-like quality, where one act sets into motion an unstoppable stream of events. Eventually the main character must perform an act of bravery to right the wrongs he has caused others. Marc Forster brilliantly brings to life the story of Amir, a young Afghan boy whose family is forced to leave their home during the Russian invasion. When he returns, he finds the Taliban in power and his home forever altered by war and poverty. In this film of courage and redemption, not a hair is out of place. The scenery is incredible. The acting is astounding. The sound is transporting. The directing and editing are perfection. I should warn you that there are some horrific acts of brutality in this movie. Thankfully the director gives you ample warning to close your eyes. If you can handle this and you don’t mind that more than half the movie is subtitled, then there should be nothing to stop you from seeing this incredible work of art.
4. Marley & Me—Okay Moms. Have you ever thrown your hands in the air trying to describe what your life feels like after you’ve had kids? Well this movie lets Jennifer Aniston say it for you, and quite well I might add. My husband says that it should be required viewing for any couple getting ready to start a family. This true-to-life dramedy chronicles the lives of a pair of newlywed writers and their dog Marley. Unlike most “dog movies” this story is about a family, the dog being neither central nor supporting. You will laugh hysterically and sob like a baby, so pack your tissues and drag along someone to share meaningful glances with. Guaranteed to take you parents down memory lane whether you're a dog person or not. (Also stars Owen Wilson.)
Happy Viewing!
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)