So what does self-care mean? How does it play out? The basics of self-care will probably seem obvious, yet I was astounded at how much my “over-achieving” had cut into these important facets of good mental and physical health:
1. Sleep at night. Eight hours is the minimum. When you go below the minimum you cheat your body of its opportunity to renew and repair. You also deny your body’s chemical systems (aka your nerves) the chance to reset and you experience decreased cognition, increased appetite and reduced energy. Don’t be surprised if need even more than eight hours of sleep for awhile or forever. Many people require 9 or 10 hours of sleep to achieve optimal well-being. Let your body tell you what it needs, then adjust your life accordingly. (FYI I used to sleep 10 hours a day to feel “right”. Now I wake up naturally at about the 8 hour mark.)
2. Eat right. You deserve to be healthy. Your food is your fuel, but it is also the raw material out of which your body is built. Sugar and caffeine might keep you awake, but it doesn’t keep you alive and healthy. Vegetables and fruit are absolutely necessary for the proper functioning of your nervous, immune and endocrine systems. Basically, they keep you from getting crazy, fuzzy and confused. Eight servings of fruits and veggies a day is the minimum. Cut out 75% of your simple carbs and sugar. Eliminate all artificial sweeteners and caffeine, which can mimic or incite the feelings of anxiety.
3. Drink water. Eight 8 oz. glasses a day is the minimum. (Boy that number 8 keeps popping up. Hmmm.) Your body is mostly made of water. Providing yourself with ample quantities of fresh water enables your cells to renew and to flush out excess hormones and toxins. If you are anxious you have too much of at least one hormone coursing through your veins. Water is necessary to correct this. Don’t wait until you’re thirsty to drink. Thirst indicates that you are already becoming dehydrated.
4. Walk. Walking is amazing. The studies about what walking does for your brain should be broadcast far and wide. Americans don’t walk; we drive. As driving hours have increased over time, so have the rates for depression, anxiety and obesity. As I mentioned in the introduction, walking pushes oxygenated blood to your brain and it uses up excess adrenaline. It strengthens your heart, muscles and joints as well. Simple ways to increase your number of steps: Park at the far end of the lot and walk into the store. When you get home from work, stroll around the block before you head to the front door. Do fun walking tours. When I was at the height of my anxiety I walked a short figure 8 around two blocks in my neighborhood everyday. The results were immediate and impressive. Increase the amount of walking you do slowly. If you have underlying adrenal problems (to be discussed later), walking too much too quickly will only make your symptoms worse.
5. Meditate/Pray/Sit in Quiet. When we sit in quiet we tell ourselves that there is value in ourselves that goes beyond our ability to “do”. We also allow our inner voice the opportunity to speak. During this time of quiet our job is simply to be. As emotions and thoughts rise up, we observe them and let them pass without holding onto or examining them. If we grasp at them, we simply remind ourselves to let them go. The practice of being quiet teaches us the skill of self-observation so that, in time times of anxiety, we can step back and see where our feelings are coming from. After a period of quiet, I often like say my prayers of gratitude and ask for the strength I need to live my life well.
6. Talk about it. One of the most dangerous underlying components of anxiety is shame. When we feel shame we are negatively evaluating ourselves using a set of externally created standards. We direct our judgment at ourselves instead of our actions. In the worst case, we come to accept that the standards we apply to our behavior should apply to our thoughts and feelings as well. This is crap, my friends. Thoughts of all kinds, even ones that appear perverse, taboo, violent, racist, and cruel, are normal. When we hold our thoughts to the same standard as our behavior we are forced to reject ourselves and begin the process of self-denial. Sadly, most of us don’t know that the human experience, while diverse on the outside, has a remarkably homogenous internal landscape. When specific circumstances are set, the reaction to those circumstances is nearly universal. I remember when I was still a new mother, I had this horrible urge to drop kick my baby across the room. She was crying and I was extremely tired. My husband was out of town and I had no family around and little opportunity to take care of my own needs. For a time, I felt horribly ashamed of that thought even though I did not act on it. Then one day I mentioned the experience to a trusted friend. She was elated. “I’m so glad I’m not the only one.” This began a lengthy discussion. Soon I found myself openly discussing my experience with my friends, my birth classes and total strangers having a tough time in the supermarket. It culminated in a moment of raucous laughter in a knitting shop as we recounted our “drop kicking” thoughts to one another. Talking about it reduces and eliminates the aloneness in which shame is constructed, and it helps to normalize human thoughts, feelings and behaviors which are for various reasons kept out of the public sphere. Talking about it also enables us to receive comfort and guidance. If you don’t have a trusted friend or partner with whom you can begin this process, I suggest practicing with a therapist or other disinterested third party.
Self-care is the most powerful part of the journey out of anxiety. It can be challenging, but the changes you will make are concrete and will have tangible results.
In the next section I will talk about Medications and Supplements that will help you get back on your feet and address imbalances in your body while you work on creating better self-care habits.
